Poison
by HealingWind
Summary: Why do the memories hurt? Why was THOSE memories so easy to remember? Why did they hurt inside, burn like fire? Takes place after the game. Spoilers. Pairing inside.
1. A Memory

I had a terrible inspiration when I listened Alice Coopers "Poison" so I had to write a fanfic. The pairing is sure but I won't tell it you before chapter 3. You can conclude it, though. This fanfic is probably five or six chapters long. It will be very... Weird I know, but I hope you all enjoy it. Now, please, read.

** Healing Wind**

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_ I made my decision and I can not brake it. _ This fighting of can and can't has lasted long. But now it was merely hopeless – he was giving up and then, he wasn't. When he decided something of this fight, it didn't do anything. Someway he just ignored it, even when he had done it himself. This way as was it would be everlasting.

_ I can't do that! I have to be here. _ That was a lie. 'Here' was nothing to do anymore. Everything you could do has been done. There was nothing to discover, nothing to explore, nothing new, nothing he hadn't done. The whole place was so well-known that there would be not even one stone he hadn't sit on, no stone he hadn't seeked hopeless for any living beings or plants. And obviously, he hadn't found anything but stones, sand, somewhat cloud-looking clouds and the violet sky. And lots of mana.

_ And I don't even know how I could go back! I can't fly that wide and here are no teleporters and nothing else with what I could go... Back there. _ How he was missing the world where he had been for so long. He missed everything. The trees, plants, animals, humans, elves and half-elves. All the people he knew and all the places, which were back on the original places... The whole place he missed was so alive! This place was completely dead, exept for him. He really, really wanted to go back. But his senses was telling him that he just couldn't go. And why? Because of -

_ Her. _ He thought ironically. It was the reason because he really had to leave. He just didn't realise it in that moment. Now he did understand but he didn't admit. He couldn't go back, he couldn't! Then there would be her, looking at him... How would she look? Heart-broken, betrayed, depressed or angry? Or wouldn't she even look at him? Just turn around and run away, crying? He shouldn't go back, it would make her even more sad. He... Didn't want that.

_ There isn't even a way I could go back, so this fighting is pointless. _ He was trying to make himself clear that there was no way to go back. But unlucky for him, he wasn't sure of it. There _ could _ be some way to get back there. But it was a way that whatever it was he couldn't do for it anything. Here was nothing with what he could do anything. He couldn't build anything of stones and sand, he couldn't buy anything. The nearest shop was on the world where he wanted – and didn't want – to go. If something could bring him back and would do it, then he can't do anything for it. But it seemed that there was nothing that could bring him back, ever.

_ I don't even want to go back._ That thought was totally pointless. It was so obvious that he did want to go back. He wanted to see all the living plants, all the living beings at all. He wanted to see his son. He... Wanted to be there with them, even with the perverted Chosen of... Old Tethe'alla. There was no Tethe'alla or Sylvarant anymore, that was for sure. Martel – The real Goddess Martel – would watch over the Great Kharlan Tree, or whatever its name would be right now. He wanted to see if everything was like it was 4000 years ago – the ways, cities, lakes, mountains, wales and rivers. He was here perfectly alone, to the next living being was probably thousands or millions of kilometers. There was such a long way to home. And this feeling of being completely alone and the knowledge that he really was completely alone was killing him inside.

_ But I... Can't go back there!_ He screamed in his mind. His thoughts were floating back to her. His memories showed expressions on her face, the moonlight on her skin and hair, her words and her smile. Every memory hurted so much, that he had to turn his thoughts somewhere else. He shouldn't think of her, it hurted, burned. He didn't know – or admit – why he felt like that. Why he couldn't remember her without feeling empty inside. He had to hold his thoughts whole the time on something special, because if he wouldn't, his thoughts would soon be recalling the memories of her.

"Why do I feel like I've lost something important?" He asked aloud. Nothing answered him. There he sat, on the stone he was sitting for couple of minutes, hours, days or weeks. Time had no worth in the space. Whole the time he had been thinking, fighting himself and trying to understand even something. The only thing he did understand, was that he wanted to go back. But that wasn't so easy, because there was something because of he didn't want to go back. _ Someone _ would be more correct. He didn't want to go back, because he couldn't be there when she was. Why, he didn't admit. He just shouldn't go back, she would be there...

He stand up. Everything was so confusing. He couldn't decide anything. Not that it would change anything... But this way it was now he would get mad, because of that he couldn't decide anything. Anything at all. Like he would have no own will in this situation. But... That was impossible that he wouldn't have any own will.

Cursing under his breath Kratos walked off somewhere else. The somewhere else could be only rocks, sand, stones and everything like that, so that didn't matter that much. The thing what mattered was the problem the Seraphim had.

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Please review and remember that english is not my home language. 


	2. A Piece of Paper

Hello! It's me again, **HealingWind**!

I returned, and sorry for the late update. I had a major writers block, but then I suddenly decided that I can't be dead forever, and so I writed, finally, this chapter to the end. Hard to understand that I started this chapter like, 10 months ago... I promise that this won't happen again!

Enjoy this chapter. More comments at the end.

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"Do you even listen to me?" She screamed when the talking started - again. A few moments everyone of them just talked, but then the silence actually fell. She was sure she had to kill someone before anyone of them would listen and understand even a word of what she said. And why, why did this happen exactly now, when she had so much more important things than clothes, friendships and rebuilding to say?

"I... I'm sorry..." Few of them muttered, but in no time the talking was starting again. She sighed and laid her head in her hands. This was hopeless. Yes, they hadn't seen each other for months, but even after that they should listen, when someone had something to say... She had to tell them, it was too important to be ignored!

'I can't get them listening to me before tomorrow, or not even a week after this!' She decided to give up for this day and walked out off the living room they had made themselves comfortable in, following the corridor and walking up the stairs she found a small balcony with a good view into the garden. With nothing else to do, she walked in to the balcony, leaning onto the railing. She place her head on her hands, again, and looked up to the blue, cold, emotionless sky.

'And the thing I have to say is really, really important. Because if it works, then,... then...' She just couldn't finish the sentence in her head, because she heard loud whining under the balcony. Being very curious, she looked down and saw a huge dog-looking animal which big ears and a long tail, sitting there, just under the balcony on a stone and looking up to the balcony. The animal looked so dirty, hurt and... Was that sadness? She lifted her head of her hands and decided to go and find out what was the matter with that giant animal. She ran out of the balcony, through the well painted corridors, the wooden stairs down and rushed through the living room getting a few annoyed and amazed gazes from her friends after her. Hurrying she tried to find the place that was under her balcony. That wasn't a too hard, because the huge whateverdog was whining and howling right there whole the time. When she came and saw the animal, it looked even more hurt and sad than before.

"What is the matter? What is making you so sad, poor animal?" She asked, pity in her voice, from the huge animal. It turned its head to her and looked at her with its sad, emerald eyes. It howled a bit and walked up to her, whining and howling like it would have tried to explain something to her.

"Oh, I apologize. You can't answer to my question, because you can't speak, can you?" She stroke the pets fur gently and lovingly. The dog-like animal calmed down but looked at her still with its green emotional eyes trying obviously to say something, make the woman understand what it had in its mind. Unfortunately, it didn't work much.

"I don't understand you..." She whispered and pressed her cheek against the huge animals temple. It started whining again, it surely was sure of the thing it wanted to express to her. Only one thing was sure, even to the woman. The giant, dog-like animal would not give up, before it had made her understand. The dog stand up and pushed its snout into her jacket.

"H-hey!" She yelled, being suprised as the animal took a grip on a paper from her pocket and pulled it out. But the dog didn't run away from her, but it gived her her map back.

"Why on Symphonia did you do that?" She asked, furious and very angry. She was usually calm, but touching her "archeological-things" made her very quick-tempered. But slowly she started to calm down and understanding crept into her mind.

"The map..?" She asked quietly, denying her harsh words already. The animal seemed to smile for her words. Carefully she unwrapped the old map and stared at it a few moments.

"The map... Which I found in one of the rooms in Mithos' castle... The map of the two worlds, the tower of salvation, and..."

Suddenly her mouth felt dry. The last word felt like the longest word ever seen or heard, the most difficult word ever and the most painful. She swallowed slowly and forced herself to speak, though stuttering.

"... D... D-Der-r-ris... Kh-Khar... Rlan..."

She finished, pain in her voice. She looked at the well-drawn features of all the rocks and mountains the material parts of Derris-Kharlan, all the details which the drawer of this map wanted to show in the picture. She remembered every place there as good as she would still stand there, on the rocks and mountains. She turned her almost hollow gaze back to the animal. It whined and put its black nose onto the picture of a little smaller object on the map. It was a probably ten or twenty feets high and very bumpy rock in Derris-Kharlan.

"What of it?" She asked a little too fast, already knowing the answer. The animal turned its gaze at her, turned his gaze back to the map and then poked with its snout one of the females pockets. Reluctantly she pushed her pale hand into the pocket trying to remember what she had put there. She pulled out a small piece of paper. There were a few words on the paper. As she looked at the paperpiece and its sharp and clear writing, she remembered. There was no doubt of what the animal was thinking. She held in her hands a hand-written list of her attacks. She couldn't stop the tears filling her eyes.

- Flashback -

_The red and orange campfire was warming all of them. It was another cold and dark night when they had to sleep outdoors. But it was their own fault, they had not been enough fast, they had not reached Hima in time, like they could have. So they had to stay where they were and had to put up a camp._

_Somehow, the children had managed to fall asleep very fast. He had stayed up, guarding the whole crew and she just couldn't sleep. After a hour just laying eyes shut she gave up and sat up, looking around her. It didn't take her too long to notice the Mercenarys form just a few meters away from her, hiding half in the shadows. Subconsciously she lifted her hand to put her white hair better before she pulled her coverlet away and stood up into the cool night._

_The Auburn-haired mercenary didn't seem to react even a bit as she sat beside him, sighing softly and closing her blue eyes gently. The woman had grown used to his silence so that it didn't feel unconfortable anymore. She just sat there, beside him on a tree stem, breathing slowly the cold air. Suddenly she desided to break the silence, opening her eyes and turning her gaze to him._

"_I wish this would be easier... But we have still a long way to go. There are many seals we have not released yet, many mysteries unknown and so many other things that we don't know... And on top of that, I don't even know everything about my magic!"_

_She sighed, this time deeper, and waited him for answer. As a minute passed, she thought that he wouldn't answer her at all, but then a warm, strong and deep voice filled the air._

"_If that is what bothers you the most, I think I can be of assistance."_

_He had never talked too much, that was something what she liked about him. One purple-gloved hand slip into his pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. Instinctively she stood up and went picking up an ink bottle and her writing feather, returning after that to the mercenary and handing the items over to him. She sat again beside him and waited him to start._

_She couldn't help but stare as the mercenary just opened the ink bottle, dove the feathers other head into it and started to write in a sharp hand-writing onto the paper, not stopping even once. The whole thing didn't take even a minute when he handed the ink bottle, the feather and the paper back to her. Amazed of his speed she stood shakily up and brought her items back to her bag, staring at the paper as not understanding a word. When she finally returned to the silent human she had read the list only twice._

"_How did you...? I mean, um..." The woman felt stupid as she tried to put her confusing feelings into words, not able to do that she got a bit annoyed. But the mercenary gave her a steady glance and returned his gaze to the campfire and the children sleeping around it._

_This time the silence felt very unconfortable. She was just standing there, holding the small piece of paper in her hands, staring at him. She could hear from the campfire that Lloyd was talking asleep again, but she couldn't care less. She just had to admit: Even if there were many secrets yet to figure out and many mysteries to understand, the biggest and most difficult mystery was right before her. She wondered if she would ever know why he did what he did and why he reacted how he did and who he actually was and why she was feeling near him how she felt, but right now she just couldn't help but feel a bit confused. Finally she dared to open her mouth and speak the words that felt at this moment so right. Her pale face litt up as she smiled at him._

"_Thank you, Kratos..."_

- End flashback -

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So... Like it? My english has gotten better, so I think it's better than the last one. I still don't know how this is going to end... Oh well, I will invent it, uh, sometime! ''

Raine – yes it is her – was _maybe_ a bit OoC, but I think I managed to write Kratos like he is... I hope. You'll decide, please review!


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